Ringing
by Merula
Summary: AU, OOC, DuoxHeero. QuatrexTrowa. Series of ficlets. A misunderstanding occurs. COMPLETE. Please read warnings on Chapter 5!
1. Heero

Disclaimer: Gundam wing is not mine.

This is another weird one- several parts to this. Three, maybe four. I'll let you know when we hit the end.

First up: Heero.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

He never answered the phone.

It would ring and ring and ring and ring sometimes for hours at a time.

Sometimes it would be silent.

He liked it that way. If it wasn't ringing it meant no one was trying to hurt him. It meant that he could stay in his apartment and ignore the fact that there was an outside world at all. He could live in his code, programming work that paid for his grocery delivery, his apartment…

His phone.

He often thought about unplugging his phone. Pulling the cord from the wall so he couldn't hear it ring.

He thought about disconnecting the service.

He thought about changing his number.

He thought about a day when the phone would stop ringing. When they would all give up and leave him alone.

A day when _he_ would stop calling.

Some days he was tempted to put an answering machine on the phone, just so he could hear that beloved-hated voice again.

But then he remembered the last words he had heard that voice say and he wasn't tempted anymore.

Sometimes there were knocks at his door. A voice on the other side. Pleading.

He didn't open the door at those moments. He didn't even go near it.

He knew how that voice could sway him.

How long had it been?

Two weeks.

Five days.

Eight hours.

6 minutes.

Forever.

He knew that his security wouldn't hold up against a determined ex-lover, but then he didn't think his ex-lover was very determined.

That voice on the other side of the door sounded more guilty than bereft. That voice didn't need him.

So he didn't need it, or it's owner.

Never again.

A day passed and the phone didn't ring.

Two days.

Three.

He told himself that he would be all right. He was better off this way. No distractions.

Then the emails started.

They arrived to all his aliases.

The same emails over and over and over and over.

He closed down boxes and opened new ones.

The emails still came in.

His hands would shake as he opened the boxes, deleted the emails, tried not to read them.

_I miss you. _

_I'm so sorry. _

_I want you. _

_I love you._

All lies.

He never responded, but the emails continued to flood his computers.

Every day.

Every hour.

Every minute more arrived.

In a moment of weakness, nearly drowned by apologies and professions of false love, he replied to just one.

_You don't miss me. You don't want me. You don't love me. You want him. Leave me alone._

Almost immediately there were replies in his inboxes. The same reply over and over again.

_No. I will never leave you alone. You belong to me. I don't want him._

He tried again.

_Leave me alone. I am not yours._

Again, nearly instantaneously the inboxes were flooded again.

_Yes you are. Why haven't you moved? Why haven't you blocked my number from your phone? Why are you reading this now? You know why. You are mine._

He shut the computer down.

The phone began to ring.

And ring.

And ring.

And ring.

He got to his feet and paced. He could leave the apartment. He could flee from the sound of the phone.

But he didn't.

He stayed and listened to it ringing.

Why?

Because he belonged to the person on the other end- even though he didn't want to.

Why wouldn't he stop calling? Why wouldn't he give up?

The phone kept ringing. Over and over. Incessant pleading.

Damn it.

He picked up the receiver, grateful that the ringing stopped.

He lifted it to his ear.

"Heero, you have it all wrong."

"How? He wants you."

"And I want you." His ex-lover's voice sounded tired. Exhausted. Desperate. "I need you. Let me back in."

What could he say?

He listened to his ex-lover breathe, heard the faint sound of a rasp, a hitch in breathing…

He knew what those sounds meant. He had heard them many times in the middle of the night. Awoke to soothe and to comfort and to ease that pain.

What should he say?

"I love you."

"Then let me back in Heero. Please."

What else was there to say?

"Come home Duo."

There was a knock on the door.

"I'm here."


	2. Duo

Disclaimer: Gundam wing is not mine.

Duo's turn.

Llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

I know how to talk. I can talk my way into, out of, and through anything at all.

But what the hell do I do when someone refuses to listen?

Heero and I had a misunderstanding. Note how I worded that: a 'misunderstanding'. In other words, he saw something and misunderstood it. So he tossed me out of his life.

He doesn't answer his phone, his door or his email.

He won't listen to me.

He always listened to me. Even when I talked about nothing at all, he listened.

I thought he knew how much he meant to me. I thought he knew that when I told him that I loved him that it meant that I was never ever going to let him go. I hold on to what's mine.

He's _mine_.

I've lost too many others.

The day he left me was a normal day. I do "consulting" work. Heero found it amusing that I could get paid for essentially going around and helping other people. He said it was what I did best.

I help Heero out with his programming projects. I help Quatre out with his security. I help Howard out with Sweeper business. I help Une out at the Preventers.

It's always a challenge to juggle my schedule, but I always make sure that I'm home every night to be with Heero.

I don't like sleeping without him.

I have nightmares.

They've gotten worse since he left me.

I was helping Wufei out on a case at the Preventers HQ. Waiting for Heero to meet me for lunch. Teasing Fei about his lack of dates.

I must've pushed it too far, because Fei lost his temper with me.

Apparently he loves me.

No. He thinks he does. He doesn't really. Fei doesn't know me. Fei doesn't know about the nightmares. He doesn't know about Solo. He doesn't know about the church. He doesn't know _me_. He called me beautiful and lighthearted.

He doesn't know me.

Heero knows me.

I felt badly though. He obviously hadn't meant to say it. So, I tried to make him feel better. I tried to tell him that I loved him too- as a friend. A brother. Someone dear to me.

Heero had been listening- neither Fei nor I had heard him at the door until he gasped- halfway through my sentence. Before the 'as a friend' part.

No one can catch Heero when he doesn't want to be caught.

He ran.

I followed.

And I lost him.

I got back to the apartment to find my things stacked outside.

No note.

No words at all.

My key didn't fit in the lock.

He didn't answer the door.

I talked and talked to that piece of steel.

I explained.

I whispered.

I yelled.

I begged.

Heero didn't listen. The door stayed closed.

I went to Quatre. Quatre listened. He invited me to stay, helped me set up my laptop, and gave me a phone.

I called.

I emailed.

Heero never replied. He wouldn't listen to me! He had listened to the wrong words and they had closed his ears to me.

I would go sit outside the apartment door. I could hear the clack of the computer keys inside. I would call and listen to the phone ring. The keys never stopped, never paused, never listened!

Hours passed.

Days passed.

Minutes passed.

I stopped consulting. I left Quatre's only when I went to the apartment and sat outside the door.

Heero never opened it.

My nightmares got worse. He wasn't there to drive them away. Now I watched not only Solo and Sister Helen and Father Maxwell die, but Heero too. Heero died as I watched, hating me, despising me… what if he died without forgiving me? Without listening to me?

Trowa said that I was obsessive. That I needed help. I was too focused on Heero.

Quatre made him leave me alone. Quatre understood.

I've seen the madness of Zero that lurks in Quatre's gaze when he looks at Trowa. Quatre knows that you need to hold on to the things that belong to you. Quatre lost Trowa and got him back.

I need Heero back.

Wufei came to see me.

I refused to see him. What if he was there and Heero decided to relent and came to see me and found Wufei there? I would never get him back.

I know I was insane.

I know I was obsessive.

I know that I worried those around me.

I didn't care.

I was on the computer… I don't know how long it had been… sending my emails to Heero. He'd try to block me but I always found him.

It gave me hope. He could hide from me. He could move away, change his name and vanish like he had right after the second war. But he didn't.

He must still love me. I clung to that hope. He had to love me. Why else would he let me harass him like this? Was he seeing if I could prove my love? My devotion? I would do anything he asked if only he'd listen to me again…

An email appeared in my inbox. My fingers froze on the keys.

_You don't miss me. You don't want me. You don't love me. You want him. Leave me alone._

Had he not read any of my emails? Listened to any of my explanations?

No! No! No! My fingers moved over the keys.

_No. I will never leave you alone. You belong to me. I don't want him._

I sent it to all of his addresses over and over- he had opened the door a little ways…

Another email appeared.

_Leave me alone. I am not yours._

It was like he had punched me. I couldn't breathe. No…. he did love me!

_Yes you are. Why haven't you moved? Why haven't you blocked my number from your phone? Why are you reading this now? You know why. You are mine._

I sent it and got to my feet, cell phone in my pocket. If Heero had an answer to that last email, I didn't want to see it.

I would break that damn door down if I had to. I would make him listen to me!

The cell phone was at my ear as I made my way to him. The ringing was my only company as I entered the building, climbed the stairs…

The ringing stopped just as I stopped in front of his door.

_He was listening! _

"Heero, you have it all wrong."

"How? He wants you." His voice was flat, lacking emotion, but he was talking to me. Listening to me.

"And I want you" I told him. "I need you. Let me back in."

I couldn't think of anything to say. I had used all my words up trying to reach him.

I waited.

And waited.

He wasn't going to listen to me. He was going to hang up. I had lost my chance.

I was going to be alone again. I had lost someone else I loved.

_It hurt._

Oh, it hurt so much. More than any of the others.

Then Heero spoke to me:

"I love you."

"Then let me back in Heero. Please." I begged him.

I waited.

"Come home Duo."

I knocked on the door.

"I'm here."

Heero opened the door.

I stepped in and pulled him close to me. Holding onto him tightly, trying to find the words I needed.

The explanation I had been saving spilled out. I didn't love Fei. He was my friend, that was all. Heero hadn't heard everything. Hadn't let me explain. Locked me out without listening to me.

He stopped me with a kiss. Apologized. Told me that he missed me. Held me tight. Told me that I was right- he was mine.

And I was his.


	3. Trowa

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks to all that reviewed!

And the angst continues.

Trowa's POV.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

If there was one thing I learned from the whole mess it was that people are never exactly like you think they are.

I thought Heero could deal with any adversity.

I thought Duo was an optimist.

I thought Wufei was honorable.

And I thought that Quatre- my Quatre- was completely sane.

I was wrong.

How could I have not seen it? I had made a living out of being other people. I thought I could see through anyone's mask. I was wrong. My closest, my dearest friends had been fooling me all along.

Or had they? Was my mask slipping too? Was I finally seeing what was always there, obscured by a mask of my affection for them? My mask of false assumptions?

Wufei made a horrible mistake. A slip of the tongue. What was he thinking? To somehow come between Duo and Heero? To put a voice to his obsession in a hope to end it? Or was it deliberate? An attempt to gain something that he wanted?

Whatever it was, it caused a spilt between two people who I thought could deal with it better than they did.

Heero closed himself off. Locked himself away in their apartment after piling Duo's clothes in the hallway. He didn't answer his phone, his door or his email. This was the man I had seen self-destruct and survive- how could one faithless lover crack him so badly?

How could he even imagine that Duo would be faithless?

And Duo… Duo became another person in front of our eyes. Our cheerful lighthearted friend turned obsessive, insane, possessed. He called Heero constantly, haunted the door in front of the apartment, sent endless emails.

I looked through them one time when he was gone and was horrified at what I discovered. He had sent hundreds_, hundreds_ of emails… and the contents…

Disturbing is putting it mildly.

How could I have been fooled by Duo's mask? Was it a mask? Or was this insane Duo the mask? I tried to talk to him, tried to break him out of the downward spiral he was trapped in, tried to get him to stop and see what he was doing…

Quatre stopped me. He told me to leave Duo alone and pulled me from the room when I kept trying to talk to Duo.

"How can you stop me from helping him?" I demanded.

"You aren't helping him." Quatre told me firmly. "Leave him alone Trowa. He needs to do this on his own."

"If we leave him like this he'll kill himself!" I protested, angry with my usually empathic lover. How could he turn a blind eye to Duo's pain?

"He won't kill himself," Quatre shook his head, a look appearing on his face that disturbed me, though I couldn't place it. "As long as there is even the slightest chance of getting Heero back, Duo won't kill himself."

"And what if Heero kills himself?" I said without thinking.

The expression on my lover's face was frightening. "Then Duo will die too."

There was nothing I could do. I am by nature a patient man, but watching my friend self-destruct in front of me as my lover calmly watched tore at my nerves.

Then Wufei visited.

Quatre was busy and Duo was locked in his room, so it was up to me to talk to him.

He was nervous and twitchy, nothing like his usual stoic self and I began to wonder again if anyone was liked they seemed.

He asked after Duo. I told him the truth- faintly enjoying his startled reaction and wondering at myself for enjoying it.

Then again, he hadn't been living with the results of his actions like I had.

He wanted to see Duo, and I hesitated.

It shocked me, but I thought that Duo might kill him.

It shocked me more to realize that I thought he deserved it.

Wufei grew twitchier as I hesitated over my answer. He moved quickly across the room to me and grasped me by the arms.

"I need to see him!"

"I don't think it's a good idea, Chang," I told him, finally seeing the dark circles under his eyes, feeling his hands shake where they rested on my arms.

"Trowa- please!" His fingers closed convulsively on my arms, yanking me closer to him. "Please!"

"Wufei," my lover's voice was icy cold, a tone I had never heard from him before. "Get your hands off of Trowa."

The words were snapped out, a command that Wufei unconsciously reacted to, his fingers releasing me. Quatre strode across the room, placing himself between Wufei and I like a barrier. "Why are you here?" He demanded.

"Wufei," I said hesitantly, "is here to see Duo."

"Please-" Wufei started and Quatre shook his head.

"No. Haven't you caused enough damage? Duo can _not_ deal with you right now. Go home Wufei."

Wufei looked past Quatre, looked at me, and I saw the pleading in his eyes.

"Trowa-"

Quatre's hand reached out, faster than I could follow and pushed Wufei backwards.

"Don't plead your case to him. Do you intend to gain his sympathy? Win his trust? _Steal his heart from me as you tried to steal Duo's from Heero?_"

The last sentence was uttered in a tone I knew only too well.

_Where is my enemy? _

Oh gods.

"Wufei, go," I told him sharply, trying to shake him out of the trance he seemed to have fallen into as he looked at Quatre, the way a baby bird looks at a snake… "Wufei!"

He blinked and looked to me.

"Go home Wufei. I will let you know when Duo is ready to talk to you. I promise I'll call. Just go."

Quatre snarled.

Wufei stumbled out of the room, eyes wide. I spared him a moment of pity. He had not meant to go wandering into a lion's den.

I didn't know that I had been living in one.

Quatre turned on me, the snarl lingering on his sweet mouth, madness lurking in his eyes, an aura of possessive jealousy curled around him.

Where was _my_ Quatre?

Or was this him?

Had I been fooled all along?

No, somehow I knew this side of him had always been there. I had just forgotten it.

Made myself forget it.

I reached out a hand to him as carefully as I would have one of my lions. I kept my breathing even, buried my distress.

_Don't show fear. _

I ran my fingers along Quatre's cheek gently, soothingly, relieved to see that terrible expression fade from his face.

But the possessive aura still lingered, still persisted as he took my hand in his and kissed the palm.

What could I do?

I let him take me to bed. I let him reestablish his hold over me, submitted to his will.

My lover.

My enemy.

My beloved.

My jailor.

_My Quatre_.


	4. Quatre

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks to all that reviewed! Hugs!

And the angst still continues…

Quatre POV.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

We live with a ghost.

A lovely insane specter who haunts our home. A pitiful longing figure that makes my heart ache being around him. One that I long to comfort and help but I know that nothing I can do can help our poor ghost.

A ghost who shows me what my future holds if Trowa ever leaves me.

I _can't_ let Trowa go.

I **won't** let Trowa go.

Yesterday, when Wufei was here, I know I shocked—disturbed—and frightened Trowa.

I couldn't help it.

When I walked into the room and saw Wufei standing so close to Trowa, _touching him_, I couldn't help it. I didn't want Wufei anywhere near him.

No, it's not because of what Wufei did to Duo and Heero.

I don't think he meant to do that. I don't think he ever meant to say anything. I think it was a mistake.

My reaction to the sight of him standing so close to Trowa was because of what I used to think about Wufei and Trowa.

Before Trowa and I became lovers… I used to wonder if he was Wufei's.

They seemed to have some kind of silent understanding- silent being the key word.

Of course I thought that about Heero and Trowa as well.

Our stoics.

I don't know if anything ever happened between any of them. In truth- I don't want to know. I don't care what happened then. Trowa is mine now.

But…

I know I scared him.

I know that he thinks I'm possessive, jealous, _insane_…

And I know that I am. How could I be anything else? Surrounded, pummeled by other's emotions, torn by their pain… no one could stay completely sane.

Will Trowa leave me now?

**No. **

He's mine.

_Mine. _

I pry my fingers open, my hands clenched into tight fists at the thought of Trowa leaving me.

I am too jealous,

Too possessive,

_Too insane. _

If I frighten myself, how must Trowa feel?

I sit at my desk and stare blindly at the papers stacked on it. I look up just in time to catch sight of our ghost wandering by; his cell phone up to his ear… but his expression is different this morning. The blend of emotions radiating off of him is different, lighter…

Hopeful.

"Duo?"

"He listened," Duo says… and I wonder if he's speaking to me or to himself. "I'll make him listen more…"

"Duo?"

What does he mean?

I don't receive an answer.

Duo has vanished.

Will he appear again?

I look towards the stairs. Trowa has not come down this morning, and he never sleeps late…

Before I realize it, I am headed towards our bedroom, that irrational fear returning. Trowa has left me… I frightened him away.

As I reach the door, I take hold of myself.

I can't scare Trowa this morning. I turn and go back down the stairs to my office and curl up on the couch there. I push my knees against my chest and hold them there. I am not going to move. I will not scare my beloved again.

I don't know how long I sit there, hugging my knees, wondering if Trowa has gone somehow- snuck out of the house and fled from me...

_To him?_

Is it my turn to become the ghost in our house?

There is a soft knock at the door, a brush of fingers against wood and Trowa steps into the office.

I half expect to see fear in his expression when he looks at me, but he only smiles.

I know this mask of his.

When will he stop using them with me?

I would not be so worried, so anxious, so upset if he could just show _himself_ to me.

But he won't.

He hides.

He uses his masks to hide from me.

I can't always see into his heart.

_Why does he let me doubt him?_

"Good morning," I manage, unsure of myself despite Trowa's smile.

He reaches out to cup my cheek and in a voice so soft I can barely hear him, wishes me good morning.

"Duo's left again." I tell him.

"To haunt Heero's door," Trowa answers, his fingers stroking my cheek.

I know this caress. It's the one he uses on his lions. He treats those dangerous animals like pets.

Is that how he sees me? 

"He looked different this morning," I smile as I remember the look on Duo's face. "I think something happened."

"Different how?" Trowa's hand leaves my cheek and he looks worried.

I know that he didn't like how I dealt with Duo's pain. I know he thought I was being unfeeling. How could he understand that I knew what Duo was feeling? I knew we couldn't help him.

"Hopeful," I tell him. "He said something about listening- I think he meant Heero was."

"I hope so," Trowa perches on the sofa across from me, his eyes assessing me. I know what he is looking for, but I will not show him that side of myself this morning.

Silence stretches between us.

I know that I need to say something- but I can't think of what to say. I don't know what to do.

I study Trowa as he leans against the cushions, eyes half closed, looking as if he is ready to fall back asleep again.

But I know better. I know he is watching me. Wondering if I am going to snap again. Wondering what he will do when it happens. Wondering if I will hurt him during it.

Why are my most clear insights into Trowa's heart the ones I don't want to feel?

Or, is it just that those are the emotions he feels the most clearly?

I love him. I've loved him since he stepped out of Heavyarms with his hands in the air surrendering to me, even though I was the one who surrendered first.

Has he been my prisoner since then?

I _can't_ let him go.

I **_have_** to let him go.

Pain shoots up my hands and I realize that I have dug my nails deep into my palms. Trowa makes a startled noise and reaches out to me…

But I notice the faint pause before he touches me. A brief hesitancy as he makes sure that his 'pet' won't turn on him.

I move backwards, nearly falling off the couch in my haste to avoid his hands.

"Quatre?" His voice is soothing, trying to ease me.

He can't ease this.

"You need to leave."

"What?" He blinks, startled. I shove myself into the corner of the couch, nearly sitting on my hands, holding myself away from him.

"You need to leave. Now. While you can. Before I change my mind, before I can't let you go. I'll send your things to you, you can go stay with Cathy at the circus, with your lions, but you need to go Trowa…"

He is frowning now, but he keeps his hands away from me. He simply leans forward into my space as I huddle away from him.

"I don't want to go."

"You have to," I am pleading now. "I know you think I'm insane, and I am, I can't not be with all these emotions always pulling on me, always pushing into my head, but never yours, you hide yours from me, I only see the fears, you can't hide those from me and I know that you are frightened of me, I know that you think I would hurt you, I couldn't hurt you, I don't want to hurt you…"

Trowa puts his hand over my mouth, stopping my rambling flow of words, helping me center myself again with the touch of his hand.

_How can I live without him? I will lose myself…_

"My Quatre." He smiles gently. "You can't see into my heart, because it's with yours. I gave it to you a long time ago to hold safe." He touches my chest with the tips of his fingers. "You hold me here. You can't let me go. I belong to you, don't you understand? I'm yours."

He's truly mine.

_My Trowa. _


	5. Wufei

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing is not mine.

Thanks to all that reviewed!

And the angst reaches a climax. WARNINGS: **Deathfic** in this chapter. You do not need to read this. The story can end quite happily with Q's POV.

This is Wufei's POV.

llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

Think about the number four.

It's perfectly balanced, isn't it? Two pairs. Two **and** Two. Two_ in_ Two.

Think about all the fours that are out there in the world- on tables, on cars, on chairs…

Think of squares- four sided, perfect shapes, perfectly balanced.

Imagine being the fifth in a world of four.

The fifth wheel. Who hasn't heard that phrase?

I am the fifth. The fifth of four.

I am tired of being the fifth.

I didn't mean to say what I did to Duo. It slipped out before I even realized what I was going to say.

I didn't want to say it.

He didn't want to hear it.

I knew what he was going to say before he even started. When Heero interrupted us and I saw the pain on his face, I realized that Heero- Heero who should know Duo better than that- had taken it wrong.

Duo chased after him, but I stayed behind. I knew I was not wanted in what was to follow- I would upset the balance.

I did anyway. Heero withdrew into his apartment, hurt, unable to deal with his own feelings. I hurt for him.

I love him too after all.

Duo- he changed- I knew he relied on Heero to keep his balance, but it still shocked me to hear how unbalanced he had become without him.

I didn't see him.

I tried- once- went to Quatre and Trowa's and asked to see Duo. I was sick over what I had done, desperate to find someway to fix my mistake.

Trowa heard me out, but I knew that he was angry with me. Then again- he had to live with Duo- see the damage I caused everyday. Those green eyes of his that I love so much looked at me so coldly that I nearly died then and there.

And Quatre- my poor Quatre- Duo's emotions had obviously frayed his own control. I know Quatre has trouble with his spaceheart, and I know that he usually keeps a firm grip on himself. For him to react the way he did when I visited- throwing himself between Trowa and I- and _snarling_…

Then again, perhaps he perceived a threat that I didn't know I was making.

It has been so hard over the years to watch those relationships develop. Watch as the pairs entwined ever closer together… not that I just stood by and watched. I knew that I would never fit in those pairs.

So I tried to find my own. Tried to find a partner. Tried not to have unrealistic expectations. Tried to be open minded. Dated men and women.

Found none that I wanted. None that matched me. None meant to be my other half. None to make me one of two.

So instead I have accidentally broken one of the other pairs.

It was an accident; I swear it on my soul.

But I had been keeping things inside so long… I didn't realize what it had done to me.

So a pair are broken now- unbalanced. And the other two are _becoming_ unbalanced…

I am unbalancing them; the fifth wheel is throwing the others off course…

That can't happen. I mustn't allow it to happen.

I sit down in my chair and pick up the water glass on the table beside me. Next to it is a small jar of pills.

One can relax a person. Two will make you sleepy. Three will put you to sleep. Four will send you into a coma. Five- I wonder what Five will do.

I shake the contents of the jar onto the table.

**One. **

I think of Heero. Adversary and friend...

I look over at my katana where it rests in the stand. I have left instructions that it be placed in Heero's care- I can only hope that he won't destroy it out of hand. I hope he sees it as my surrender and takes Duo back.

**Two. **

I think of Duo. Bright and dark...

For you I left that painting of a bird in flight, looking for a safe haven in the storm. I hope you will find your way back to yours, and I hope with all my heart that you stay there.

**Three. **

I think of Trowa. Masked and hiding...

The carved dragon on my desktop intrigued you the first time you saw it. The dragon hiding in his own coils, caught in his own trap. How like you it is.

**Four. **

I think of Quatre. Battered and besieged …

My poor Quatre, for you, the flower from the fields of L5, preserved in wax, the last memory of tranquility that I possess. You found it for me so it is fitting that it return to you.

**Five. **

Myself. A dishonorable man. In love with four men who cannot love me back the way I want them to. There is no space for me here. I should've died at the end of the Mariemaia uprising.

Earlier even…

When Trieze did. I should've gone with you my friend. An honorable death for both of us. I take another for Trieze.

When Meiran did. My wife. How right you were about me. I have shamed you. Another one for you, my unloved beloved.

There is regret for the others I leave behind.

Sally, sister of my heart. I left my final note to you, dearest lady, knowing that you would understand and carry out my requests. Forgive me for leaving you. May we meet in the next life. One for you.

Noin. Zechs. Une. Hilde. Cathy. Relena. Dorothy. Enemies that became friends… one for each of you as well.

The pills are making me sleepy, but I want to be sure that there will be no mistakes. I have planned this out carefully. Fasted. Arranged things. Left documents…

How many pills have I taken? Enough? I can't remember…

My eyes are blurring. I lean back in the chair, knowing that death is coming, hoping that it will be here soon.

The phone rings beside me, without thinking I answer, then struggle to keep my voice normal as I say my name into the receiver.

"Chang."

"It's me." Trowa. Why is he calling? "Heero took Duo back." There is a slight pause as I take in this information. I hear a sigh on the other end. Apparently Trowa wanted a response. "I thought you'd want to know." His voice is clipped, the words snapped out. He is still angry with me, but I do not care.

I do not know which of my gods answered this plea, but this knowledge is a gift- one less sin to die with on my soul.

"Thank you Trowa," I tell him, trying not to slur the words. "I'm glad." I blink, my vision is blurring.

"I promised I would call," he replies, and his voice is different now. "Wufei? You sound- odd. Are you all right?"

"Better now," I say and cannot keep my voice from betraying me. The pills are strong, my time is short. "Apologize to Quatre for me? Please? I did not mean to distress him."

"He knows it." Trowa's voice is worried now. "Wufei- what is going on?"

The world blurs more, turns darker.

"I'm restoring the balance."

I do not hear what Trowa says to that.

A woman's figure bends over me, touching me with gentle hands. I cannot see her clearly; I only catch the swing of dark hair, the quick glint of dark eyes. She cups my cheek, strokes a hand over my hair.

Meiran?

But Meiran was not gentle. She was fierce.

She would not come for her unwanted husband as he dies in so dishonorable a fashion.

Would she?

"Wufei," she says, and her hands smell of flowers. Flowers from a meadow on L5.

"Wufei?" I hear another voice calling me. "_Wufei!_"

"Beloved," the woman's voice is so familiar. Who is she?

"Chang! Answer me!" I hear the desperation in that other voice, and wish that I could answer, but I can't. This final hallucination of mine is demanding all of my attention.

Arms wrap around me, there is a faint scrape of claws on my back, scales against my cheek… I feel warm and protected, comforted and loved.

Is here where I belong? Have I found my place at long last?

"I've been waiting for you beloved," the dragon in my arms says and I realize who she is.

_Nataku._


End file.
